I’m Rachel. I’m a wife, mamma to two girls and I work as a healthcare professional in rehabilitation. I’m a lover of books, Lego, guinea pigs, crafting and being outdoors. I discovered I’m AuDHD – autistic and ADHD, in the last 18 months at the age of 40 and it’s been a bit of a wild ride since! It was not what I expected from my 40s….

There were some things that I always found uncomfortable or harder to do but I just thought I needed to figure out how to make it work and try harder. I’d had some periods of depression in my 20s, but there always seemed to be a plausible reason for those times – they were often at times of a lot of change or higher stress like my final year of university or moving to a new city to live alone for the first time.

As I became a parent and work got more complex, it became clear that it was just really hard work to manage daily life – I was constantly forgetting things, unable to get things done and always on the edge of coping. I tended to do what was interesting or fun and ignore the stuff that was really important – it was just too hard. I would also spend money on things that I thought made me feel better but it didn’t help, at least not for long. I’d end up wasting time and money while loads of vital stuff was left undone. My wife will tell you now that I was always like that but I honestly had no idea!

I can’t remember where I first heard or read about ADHD but I do remember realising that the descriptions of ADHD I found might just be what was going on for me and it was a lightbulb moment. After a deep dive into researching the subject (as neurodivergent folk often do!) and with the support of my wife, I had an assessment and lo and behold I did indeed have ADHD!

It explained so much of my life – I know now that those periods of depression were also periods of incredible burnout as I was faced with lots of changes, new responsibilities and had lower levels of support networks. A year on from my ADHD diagnosis, I now understand myself so much better but starting medication has also shown me that ADHD isn’t the whole story for me. I never felt that it quite explained all my struggles, especially as a child, and so I eventually began to explore whether I was also autistic. An autistic colleague confirmed that they had also suspected this when I discussed it with them, but this was news to me!

I have heard since that it is not an uncommon discovery after starting medication and your ADHD no longer covers your autistic traits as well as before. I am very lucky to work in a team full of other neurodivergent folk and have other autistic/ADHD friends outside of work too so I have had plenty of support and understanding throughout this time. Having that support of others who just ‘get it’ and resources like the ND staff network available at work have been invaluable to me during this journey of late diagnosis.

Learning about my sensory needs and preferences was huge for me. I had no idea that my anger, irritability or wish to get out of certain situations was often due to my sensory experiences! I’ve been discovering that lots of things I did when I was a child or young adult instinctively, really work for me such as doodling, using items to fidget, having coloured lights, using music to help me with focussed work etc. so I am trying to go back to some of those practices.

I have learned that, in particular, I really struggle to focus and listen to something/someone when there’s multiple noises/voices at once so you can imagine that at work in a shared office, or at home trying to cook tea (which is a multiple step task with timings so I already find it challenging) with two kids asking me tons of questions at the same time is often a recipe for a meltdown! I didn’t want to be an angry, shouty parent to my girls and I am passionate about my job and love my team so I needed to find solutions. Calmer® have been a lifesaver at home and work so I have recommended them to plenty of friends and colleagues. My favourite pair live in my pocket, in a case clipped to my favourite fidget items so they are always available and there’s another pair on standby at home in case they get lost!

My biggest tips for getting through life for other AuDHDers would be:

1. Learn about yourself – Knowledge is power! It’s also the first part of learning to accept yourself as you are and not as you or others think you should be… Do all the reading, listen to podcasts, meet others who are autistic/ADHD, get yourself some neuroaffirmative counselling. It’s much easier to cope when you understand how you work and why that isn’t always the same way others do!
2. Simple things make a difference - You don’t need to spend money on fancy apps to help you function, although it can help! My favourite tool to manage my day at work or at home is an A4 sized whiteboard with all my tasks on. I couldn’t do without it! Finding a comfort item or favourite fidget toy doesn’t need to be expensive either but having these sorts of things available in my bag, pocket or desk helps me stay regulated and comfortable throughout my day.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help – It’s never a nice feeling to acknowledge that you struggle with a particular task or situation and that there are things we just can’t do. But we aren’t meant to go it alone and it’s ok to need help sometimes. Whether it’s your partner/family, a friend, hiring a cleaner, getting meal menu boxes or using a body doubling app etc, work with your strengths and find a way to get help from others in areas where you struggle.

Life is never simple and there will always be challenges but I’m learning to be proud of myself as I work at becoming the parent and colleague, I want to be instead of being frustrated, angry and down on myself - and Calmer® have been a great tool in that journey!